-_-''Coleen Rooney'' quits life as a WAG - football's loss is the school run's gain???

Devastating news from the world of football this morning, as Coleen Rooney announces her retirement as a WAG. As stunned sports-people everywhere reel and try to come to terms with the momentous loss, I've managed to get our hands on the letter Coleen sent, quitting her post and changing the landscape of footie for ever.

To: Alex Curran@wagcaptainess.co.uk
CC: Roy Hodgson@england.co.uk

I hereby tender my resignation as a WAG, effective immediately of course because I’m used to getting what I want, NOW, and old habits die hard.

This has not been an easy decision. I have enjoyed my time with the firm, but recently my priorities have changed, and I’m all about the school run these days.

I’m just a simple, ordinary mum, facing all the normal challenges of bringing up two kids, like so many other women out there. I can’t just drop everything to accompany Wayne on company business trips abroad like I used to – although obviously I will still be accompanying Wayne on the company’s forthcoming business trip to Brazil, because have you seen them birds out there?

As for the perks of my post – the mansion, the cars, the hair extensions, the hourly shopping trips in Cricket – I will be keeping them all. I will also continue to go on exotic holidays at least six times a year, after all I’m quitting not dying.

I will not be seeking any other employment to replace being a WAG because, as I said I’ll be busy with the school run, which takes up so much time I hardly have a second to myself these days.

I wish the company every success in the future, and will look back on my time with you fondly because it was all perfect and nothing bad ever happened la la la I’ve got my fingers in my ears so I can’t hear you.

Yours sincerely,  Coleen x